The journey unfolded, revealing more and more layers to working with healing. I started to see that healing is actually a journey. Some are quick, like popping to the corner shop, others are monumental, passing through many different types of terrain. Whatever the circumstance, I simply knew that I was not meant to walk alone. I was meant to be intimately connected to Spirit the whole way. If healing did not occur, or if it took time, that was not an indication of distance or divide in any way. Stay close.
My house mate at the time had a frozen shoulder. This in itself is agonising enough. The added issue was that she was also pregnant, due to give birth in a few months. Practioners took on her case urgently. The concept of giving birth and not leaning on your arm or shoulder at all is not a good thought, never mind experience. Nothing shifted it. She had been in and out of a tumultuous relationship, which seemed to trigger the shoulder in the first place. In her agony she finally drew the line and ended the relationship, but her shoulder still refused to heal. I had to do her hair for her, cut her bread slices, do up her zips, be her arms. She was disabled.
Every day I prayed for her. My idea of praying may be different to most. I simply felt. I would close my eyes and feel into the situation. I hated the idea of prayer just hopefully chucking a load of words out, being completely insensitive. Humans are too loud as it is. I wanted to work WITH energy, not barrage it. So I listened, and every day it simply felt like my nose was against a wall. There was no point uttering a word. The path to healing was blocked. So I walked away and tried again the next day.
One day, as I shut my eyes, the wall shifted. I felt the literal space. I didn’t utter a word I just smiled. Felt elated and waited to see what would happen. She had booked for us to see a concert that evening. Before we left a prayer popped out from what felt like my depths. I asked to know the Oneness. My Oneness with God.
The concert was beautiful. It was classical and a first for me. Listening to the harmony of the many varied instruments I marvelled at how they flowed together so seamlessly. One minute I was gazing at the musicians in wonder, the next I was gazing at a huge O superimposed over them with my inner eye. A circle without beinning or end. I felt the breathtaking beauty of being a part of something so intrinsically that you cannot tell where you end and other begins. You are one. I felt such a rush of energy. It was like heaven on earth.
The next evening I arrived home from work to a roast dinner. I couldn’t believe my eyes. For months she had not been able to lift a pan or cut a slice of bread. She was smiling and simply said that for some reason her arm was just about healed. Overnight! I knew. I absolutely knew I’d felt the shift the day before. Why then? Why not months earlier? Who knows? The energy had flowed so strongly the night before. We are One. We are always One. Attached to that infinite creative power, always. But we are also on a journey. There are walls and blockages. When you really know your unbreakable connection to Spirit there is no fear in blockage, just perfect union. If things are meant to shift they will shift. I want to live in that place.
So many people make their whole spiritual life about receiving healing. That, to me, is like spending your whole relationship to Spirit about staring at a wall, when you could be holding hands and living, experiencing intoxicating love and incredible adventures. Friendship like you’ve never known. I’m not there yet but I see the horizon.
There’s endless variables as to whether or when the energy will flow, but why not marvel at the centre of the story, that we are home. Right now, we are in perfect union, to the most incredible, wise, loving, stupendously powerful force. When you know that, and I mean REALLY KNOW that, you almost don’t care about the blockages. You just want to bathe in the love. I have moments of not fearing walls, and at other times they loom so large. It’s a journey, it will never end and I have a long way to go.
These stories, for me, are about how much Spirit loves to allow powerful flow. What if you don’t need to worry about healing blockages. What if it’s all in hand. What would it feel like for your heart to know it was loved this much? What if survival mode melted into something far more glorious, light and mesmerising.
I’m so looking forward to sharing these stories with you, wishing us all the enlightenment of knowing we are utterly loved as we are, and that we are home. One.
It was a very ordinary day. Almost flat. I was sat in my then partners very ordinary living room, alone, or so I thought, feeling as uninspired as the decor.
At the time I was going to a college training me to energy heal (faith college). Nothing was working. They said I needed faith to access the power. It was all there but I needed to reach for it. Doubt and do without was the motto. We all felt like the amount of faith needed was at the top of a very high mountain. There was a long way to go and a lot of work to be done. So, feeling utterly disconnected from my source and down about that fact, I lazily put on a video from the college training me how to get stronger, not expecting much. After all, it was me.
The words were the same old words urging me on, telling me to affirm, visualise, pray, be so strong that it cannot not happen. Be amazing. With every word I slipped a bit further away. It was never gonna happen. I was doomed to disconnection. All I’d ever wanted was to be close to God. Every word made me feel further away. I wasn’t amazing. I was me. I believed every word they said and thought I had to change.
Suddenly I heard a word that wasn’t spoken by the warrior on the video or by myself. It was clear, singular, and I had no idea what it meant. “Conduit”. I used to date a Richard Conduit. I wondered if I was meant to pray for him, or did the word conduit have a meaning? Before I could even think about looking it up, the man on the screen said loudly in his Texan accent “it’s like being a conduit Amen! That means a channel. You have to be careful not to put your faith in your own faith”. He then spent the rest of the video telling me about my faith and how to have faith in it, but I’d heard those words. That single sentence. My world shifted on it’s axis slightly but I had no idea what it meant. It was almost like the world that was dragging me along was put on pause and a shaft of light shone on me, alone in that flat arsed little room. In that moment I was known and I felt such a rightness about that truth I didn’t yet understand.
As I write these words I remember how I used to feel back then. Hopeless. Flat. Dull. Like something precious in me had died. If I could tell you now what those words mean, they mean connection. That I was always utterly connected to the source I was longing for. Faith is almost redundant when you know.
Flit of colour,
Words of grace with a swish of your petal wings.
So easily torn,
Your petals proclaim words of grace
As you boldly face
This world of edges,
Unyielding and sharp,
No eye for your beauty,
No mercy No heart,
For the flit of colour in your makers eye,
So flutter by
Green Tea and Rosemary Facial Toner
Tea is great as a natural toner. Simply brew a cup of green tea. Leave it to cool and there you have it, a beautiful natural toner for the skin. I like to add rosemary to mine. It’s great for skin that tends to get oily. Sage and Lavender are also good. There’s an abundance of natural skin care just waiting for you in your garden x