Feel Here Now

It was the first frost yesterday. I dashed out with my camera to capture the diamonds dancing across every surface, sparkling in the sunlight. Perfect in their impermanence.

This week we are exploring how we can ease our mind through yoga. One way, for me, is dropping into beauty. Taking the time to drink in the beauty around me. Sights, smells, textures, tastes. It evokes a vibrant humming gratitude within my heart.

It doesn’t mean I don’t feel my feelings. When I’m sad I cry. When I’m scared I freeze. When I’m confused I huddle in the muddle. I allow my feelings to wash through me as I process them, normally with a cat in tow. Cats have a knack of knowing when you’re emotionally constipated.

No matter what you are feeling, you are still allowed to access the here and now. Sometimes we think we have to sort ourselves out before we can let go and enjoy living. How would it feel to let go and favour the senses of your body over your tangled thoughts and emotions. It’s not denial or escapism. It’s a way of creating space, of giving your nervous system a break, and it actually helps your brain to problem solve. It’s way of telling yourself that no matter what you face you are alive today and worthy of self love. Worthy of giving yourself the time and care to taste your tea and smell a rose.

Sometimes I dance with my emotions as I do this. I write about the dying rose I’m witnessing as I drop into the space within me that is also experiencing a death or a transition. I eat dark, bitter foods, like cacao, when I’m facing dark intruding experiences. Processing even through my taste. Being here now, but also mingling with my inner world. Mindfulness doesn’t just have to be ignoring your thoughts. It can be a gentle favouring of a physical sensation which then gives your mind enough space to process and feel in order to integrate (another word for yoga).

We don’t do this in order to integrate. We do this because we are here to live. We were given life so that we could enjoy living (I believe).

My mum always taught me that it’s OK to try and untangle yourself, but don’t forget to live. She urged me to enjoy every day, as much as I can. Let go of worry and be in the moment, in any way possible. She said this as she was terminally ill, having just lost her husband. She said this smiling. Fathomless.

At times these words were beyond my reach. With age, they’ve settled into my bones and being. I make sure, every day, I take the time to fully enjoy something beautiful and be here now. Cry my cry but drink my tea, or as mum once hilariously said “quit your whining and put your wine in”.. 😂🍷

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