She felt to visit the forest of yin. As she stepped into its dappled embrace, the woodland path seemed to beckon her.
On she walked, twisting and turning, effortless and drawn. Eventually she came to grandmother willow. Sunlight broke through here in places, so the ancient willow had patches of flowers at her base.
The girl sat in a sunbeam, the sweet scent of bluebells all around her. She loved blue flowers, so calming to her soul.
In the hazy rays she heard a soft song. Following the notes she found a small gathering of mushrooms. They were soft tawny brown, almost tinged with pink. Their colours were perfect, she felt. The colour of a warm hug. The song felt the same. In her mind the mushrooms sang of the medicine of allowing the shadows. The beauty of standing back from the crowd so as not to be trampled. The beauty of being delicate and the joy of not standing out.
There was a quietness to their being. Unlike a flower they didn’t exist to attract.
She sat by their side, allowing their medicine to sink into her soul, singing “it’s OK to stand back, take time out, melt away, be delicate, allow your shadows, their shadows, the shadows. Growth occurs in shade”.
The forest of yin was made for such as these and those who hear their song. She exhaled, lay back and allowed the song to draw her deeper. This was today’s gift. The spirit of mushroom x
Long ago there was a young hare who wished to learn how to listen to the earth.
A wise old bear would gather animals to teach them such things. The bear said they could even learn how to see and hear things unseen. Deep mysteries. The hare joined eagerly, craving connection and to feel the unique love of mother earth.
One day, mid listening, the hare felt the deepest knowing that there was such a thing as star song, and that it would change him deeply, down to his bones and being.
Could stars really sing? Could their song reverberate within him? Stars were so far away. Was it possible he’d heard wrong? The bear didn’t respond and no one else seemed to care, but the hare was captivated. He asked far and wide but no one knew or cared for star song.
Like many precious seeds, this one had nowhere to be planted, so it stayed quietly within hares heart almost forgotten, until one day…
One day a wise old owl visited the tree where hare would often sit to gaze at the moon with his quiet friend the hedgehog. Hedgehog didn’t trust many, but he trusted hare. He knew hare to be a kind, sincere soul and a fellow seeker. They often spoke long into the night about earth listening.
On this particular night they enjoyed the owl speaking of such things, and much to hares amazement and delight she spoke of star song. Hare had never mentioned it to hedgehog, it was such an old buried seed by now.
She said everything had a spirit and a vibration and that stars in particular had a song few knew about. That song could guide you to your deepest destiny, if only you would bathe in its vibration and allow it’s gentle pulling. It had a high silvery vibration that could change you, right down to your cells and stories.
Hare was enraptured. His heart sang for joy. At last, he finally knew what he was to do. In truth he had always known, he just hadn’t trusted his knowing. He thanked the owl and asked why owl had visited this place today when she never had before. She was a stranger to these parts.
Owl was quiet for a moment. She had a feeling that hare and hedgehog would understand, but she was unused to sharing the mysteries that guided her life. ‘All I can say is that I felt drawn here, like gravity, and when I get that pull in my belly I know it will only lead to good’. Hare knew it was more than good. It would change his life.
Hedgehog had never seen such a light in his old friends eyes. It was as if they glowed brighter than the moon tonight and he shared his joy. They ran across the field to see owl off on her next adventure.
Hare wondered if he would ever meet owl again. Something in him knew that this was a night of destiny and beginnings.
From that night onwards hare would visit his old friend the tree. Sometimes with hedgehog and sometimes alone. At times he’d rest at her base and at times in her branches.
Her being was very different to his own. She spoke and grew much slower than hare, but her wisdom was invaluable. She had heard the owls stories and understood hares calling to star song and was pleased to witness his journey. She watched him, night after night, gaze up at the stars with such awe and devotion, eyes wide, drinking in the mysteries and high vibration of the cosmos.
He was often quiet, she noticed, as if an answer had been given so there was much less to say. He rested so deeply in these times, with his grounded friend the tree. In her arms there was nothing more to do than soak in the star song in the safety of her boughs, and fall asleep to the pattering of gentle cosmic vibration running through him from above. He was connected, held and utterly in bliss.
One particularly beautiful evening hare felt a shift in the energy. In the quietness of star bathing, he felt a pulling in his belly. The kind that owl had spoken of. Destiny called.
He had the sense that he was to share his completeness with others. He was to teach them how to listen to the earth, to trust their knowing and for some he’d teach them to bathe in star song. Hedgehog and tree didn’t feel called to star song, so he knew it was only for some. For those who felt called, their star would guide them true.
On that quiet night, when destiny called, hare knew it was his star drawing him. He rested deeper still. All would unfold as it should. The tug at his belly, like gravity, was his umbilical cord to the earth and her love for us all. She would guide him true.
He was so grateful he had learned how to listen, how to rest, how to bathe. Now he would learn how to teach, from a place of deep connection, completeness and love.
Sat at my allotment, by the log burner, on the bean bag, as cosy as can be… And pondering.
I like pondering. It’s the feeling of something being on the tip of your tongue, but rather it’s the tip of your awareness. I sit with these tips. Sit and give them space to wriggle, move and possibly reveal.
Today my pondering is on the spirit of fire. Fire is an element that doesn’t reveal itself often to me, but this week it keeps popping up, in my mind, in the reactions of others or as a message.
Today I asked fire what it wanted to reveal. I picked up an oracle deck and shuffled. As I touched a card I heard the word “illumination”. The card was on amplifying your positive emotions and allowing them to ripple out and bless everything around you.
I thought of fire, how it can warm or destroy. The same with emotions. It felt like this next cycle will be one of amplifying what is present, so choose positive to be present. Hold onto it dearly.
The cards also spoke of making a wish, knowing it can come true, creating change, letting go of anything outdated. It felt like the voice of fire, of transformation. I noticed the name on the instrument used on the log burner.. Salamander.. A fire spirit also.
It seems fire wants to dance with us this coming season. Honour it’s gifts. Respect it’s power. Learn it’s medicine and don’t get burned xx
Healthy transformation rather than inflammation ❤️🙏❤️
Fire, thank you for your presence. I am awed and grateful. Truly.
She sat in her cave. Her cave was actually a room she had painted deep indigo and filled with fairy lights, books and a fluffy rug. It was also the smallest room in the house, so the most cave-like in it’s ability to hug you.
There she sat, burning white sage, a Tissane of sage and rose tea laced with honey and a medicine pouch by her side.
She came here to unburden. Her heart felt like a sore swollen blister that needed popping. The pressure was bothering her. She had been reaching for something incredibly simple but the person by her side kept becoming a wall she hit against.
Eventually frustration, shut down, anger all bubbled inside. She couldn’t understand what the problem was. The task was so simple. She huffed and nestled in to be with sage and the moon for a while. Their presence was always medicinal. She needed this time away.
Holding her crystals to her heart and sipping her brew she felt the flow within her shift. “You’ve been single minded and reaching, like a straight line. It’s time to be soft and round, to let go of trying for a while”.
She felt the roundness, as if surrounded by a rose, which was surrounded by the moon. Both were soft, diffuse, soothing. She sighed. Sage wove through her as her most soothing herb. Her energy shifted yet deeper.
She felt like a tiny mouse in a nest which was nestled away somewhere deep and safe. She could see the mouse in her minds eye so clearly. It rested through the harshness of winter, curled and as circular as the moon and the rose.
She could feel the wisdom of yin seeping in. Her previous yangness had wanted to “get it done” and when that was constantly thwarted she just wanted to smash the wall down. Unfortunately the wall was within another. Along came yin who simply whispered “rest. Go nowhere for today. Another path will emerge, one which can be less straight.”
Lying in the bath, she knew it was time to learn about energy cleansing and protection.
She’d had a spate of seemingly embodying others physical suffering. Random pains in her body without cause, mimicking those of her students.
She was too tired to read and wondered how to best enjoy her bathing time when an inner voice spoke to come to the waterfall.
She felt the familiar pull to shamanic journey, and recently the landscape was always the same. The meadow of yang, the forest of yin. This time there was a gated path between the two. The middle way.
Her inner eye gazed at that path, so clear and definite. How did these images solidify so absolutely, as if she’d been there and it was a memory rather than a thought? She’d never known anything like it.
She closed her eyes and entered the meadow, walked to the gate and passed through.
The path was narrow but clear. She enjoyed the feeling of path-ness, different to meadow and forest, it was an in-between place and held its own magic.
Eventually she happened upon a small wooden table with two toadstool shaped wooden seats. They were enticing particularly because one rarely rested on a path. It was a call to stop.
As she sat she noticed a small box by her ankle, a gift wrapped with a ribbon. ‘How perfect’ she thought. Such a perfect little package. Upon unwrapping a small chick was revealed. She feld it in her palm, close to her face to get a better look. It was so cute and utterly calm as it sat in her hand. A deep feeling of tenderness welled within her for the babies of the world and her baby parts.
In that moment the chick became a beautiful lotus flower, the flower that looks so delicate yet has risen from the dark, the watery emotions and the mud. The flower of wisdom.
Before she could fully absorb it’s beauty a single puff dissolved it’s presence as floral dust into her eyes. She immediately felt the dust as a gift of new vision. The grace to see herself and the world with the eyes of love. She felt there was no greater gift than a higher perspective.
Her oracles recently had all implored her to let go of self judgement or criticism, and to firmly hold onto a perspective of pure unconditional love and regard for herself. A new vision indeed.
She had wondered how she would be motivated or disciplined without her inner voice of judgement. Surely love alone wouldn’t hold the boundaries.
Whatever her thought process on it, the universe kept insisting “only love, only love..” Something in her felt excited about the possibility of being in the world in a whole new way. One shift in your way of seeing and being would change everything. Everything would shift. Like wearing purple glasses would make the world purple for you. Imagine a world of only love. She couldn’t. It was beyond her, but filled her heart with hope.
Returning to the path she thanked the sitting spot for it’s gift to her and continued her journey, eventually finding a gate at the end of the path.
Pushing it open revealed a dazzle of pure white light, so bright she couldn’t see for a moment or two. As her vision cleared this space was shimmering turquoise glassy waters. Breathtaking.
In she went without a second thought, swimming and laughing as undines danced around her ankles, smiling up at her. Their presence was pure innocence and joy. In them she saw the vision of pure love, without judgement or criticism. Their wholeness of being accepted her beingness wholey.
The waters cleansing abilities seemed to go deeper than skin level. She could feel her energy being washed clean, right down to her cells and stories. Small fish nibbled at her and she knew they were nibbling away stubborn things that refused to shift by water alone.
Suddenly, as if out of nowhere she was plunged beneath the surface by a huge torrent. She was surprised but not afraid. The waterfall had appeared and it pounded everything clean. She allowed its relentless scrubbing and when it felt complete she floated to the surface as serene as the undines. Cleansed and clear.
A donkey was waiting by the pool as she emerged at the surface, with a kind, sweet face. Without a word she knew it had come to carry her home. The donkey felt like the unconditional love she’d been gifted earlier. She was seeing it everywhere in the world around her. She knew the donkey was humble and happily here to support her.
She climbed out of the pool, thanking the water for it’s gift. She felt so light, free and deeply relaxed from her cleanse. Gratefully she sat upon the donkey who felt so strong and clear with her intent that the girl felt no guilt at accepting this ride. A feeling of steadiness and stability emanated to her from the donkey.
As they ambled as one to the gate the girl realised she needed to protect her now cleansed energy. Just with that thought a fairy-like being appeared, tapped her lightly and a shimmering orb surrounded her body, translucent with the most delicate rainbow colours. In a breath it and the being disappeared. A knowing entered her that it’s protection would last three days.
As the donkey passed through the gate and entered the path, a feeling of friendship and love, care and support was so tangible. The girl named her daisy. She had a face as sweet as a daisy and her will as gently unstoppable as that flower.
They travelled in companionable silence, enjoying the magic of transition that the path always brought. Before she knew it she was back at the final gate and the meadow. Daisy stayed in the meadow of yang to eat wild flowers and enjoy it’s quiet sunlit presence.
The girl smiled at the donkeys easy contentment. She knew serving another was as natural as rest to her. She was grateful for all the love she had witnessed on this journey and looked forward to the next visit.
“Only love is real” she whispered to her soul. “Only love. Only love”.
With one last glance at Daisy she turned and returned to her body. She knew that the waterfall would always be there to cleanse her, just a thought away. She also felt that anyone who heard about this journey would also be able to access it’s healing properties. They also could venture there in their minds and receive energy clearing, love and support. These places weren’t far from us, just on another plane. Closer than our skin.
Once upon time a soul knew she needed a shift. Others spoke to her of a flame that was violet that could burn away anything from body, mind or soul. All you had to do was invoke it, they said.
She considered this. She knew fire to be incredibly powerful. The stuff of dragon spirits and phoenix’s, but she already contained a lot of fire. She was already being consumed from within.
She slept on it and in a semi lucid state she decided to shamanically journey to the violet flame. Invoking it she felt nothing but a wall. Try as she may she could not access the flame.
In it’s place was a single moth. The moth was simple but beautiful. Just a moth. Behind the moth was faded turquoise with geometric patterns. She was captivated. For some indeciferable reason it felt exactly what her soul needed. She bathed in its beauty and simplicity until she awoke.
Her soul then knew she didn’t need to burn away the shadows, she needed softness in the darkness and to allow the light into that space. Moths are incredibly sensitive to touch, taste, temperature. They live in the darkness and are drawn to the soft, reflective light of the moon. Her moth spirit was telling her to allow the darkness and the light. Be soft.
And so she dwelt in soft places. A rabbits snuffly nose, a snails delicate, intricate shell home, butterflies, sunlight, flowers, deer. All spoke to her of the gentle spirit of moth. Turquoise is often considered the colour of intuition, just as moths are a creature of intuition. Her inner eye and sensitivity would guide her gently through the darkness.
And so she learned to befriend the darkness and the light. To befriend her soul.
….. DAYS LATER…..
Days later I pulled a card and it spoke of the turquoise I saw in my moth vision. It was related to the sea, to grace, to resting and allowing your natural gifts to unfurl, like the peony at my side. All of these messages I’d received recently, particularly my need for salt water and cleansing.
There is a gentle grace calling to me, pulling me, like a moth to the moon. It’s call is to rest, to trust, to allow myself to unfurl as I take space to care for my soul, and to be more cat. Merlin cat is the perfect teacher when it comes to rest and trust.
rhdr
Do you feel a calling in your soul? A need? Like a moth to the moon, be drawn. Your discomfort is also a voice. Listen. There is a way forward into more of what your soul needs. Just listen. You’ll be drawn x
Wednesday I spent 8 hours at the allotment, receiving a big compost delivery and prepping the beds.
Half an hour in, four ducks waddled up the path. I couldn’t have been more surprised. I moved out of their way and they plopped themselves in my pond.
They stayed the whole day and my heart was overflowing with their gentle presence. They weren’t there for food, just a bit of water and a patch of grass to nap on. Their wings were their quilt as they tucked their beaks into those feathers, gently closing their eyes and drifting away.
This is a love letter to that perfect day of sunshine and quiet company, earth and sky. If I could capture the feeling and send it to you, I would.. You’d breathe in and sigh. So much space yet embraced.
Wishing you your own quiet love letter from life today ♥️ look for it between the cracks, it’s how the light gets in.
Shamanic journeying, for me, can be a subtle affair, a type of soul listening. I learned years ago that I’m good at listening within. I don’t need a drum beat or much formality, I just shut my eyes and tune in.
This morning I kept feeling a part of me arising that felt very young. I could feel the need to cling, to be held, to feel safe. In my psychotherapy training I’ve been looking at a modality called IFS (Internal Family Systems). This theory believes that everyones self has multiple parts. These parts have different personalities, ages, archetypes like the child, the parent, the warrior. Today felt like the very young child.
As soon as I closed my eyes I saw a bear cave and I knew my soul wanted to shamanic journey. I walked into the cave and saw glistening crystals in the wall, supporting me from a distance, their gentle vibrations and multicoloured hues holding me subtly. At the center of the cave was a huge brown mama bear. She was sleeping but her spirit beckoned me closer. I could feel that she represented the spirit of all bears. Her ease with hibernation was so enticing. I walked right up to her side and decided to snuggle in, her slow breaths regulating mine. Her energy was perfect. I felt both warm, held and safe. All of those feelings were also sinking into my heart, as if my heart was melting and expanding, both blissful and aching. Tears flowed. The moment was so lucid, so perfect and literally tangible.
I gazed out of the cave entrance and watched time pass. I saw snowfall and quiet winter, followed by spring flowers emerging from the icy ground. It was as if time was sailing past like a river and I was resting in utter stillness. The delicacy of the flowers touched something deep within me. They were impossibly tender and yet created to pierce the wild cold of early spring. A message of hope and that resilience can look like a sensitive, beating open heart that feels the world and loves.
Suddenly in front of me, near the cave entrance, was a naked baby bathed in golden sunlight. She was gurgling happily and simply resting in light. I was mesmerised. There was nothing she needed, just the light. Every time my mind wandered from that innocent babe to jobs and tasks for the day, it jolted my soul and I simply came back to her. Eventually I realised I was that baby. I didn’t need the hundreds of things I felt I needed to do, achieve, attain. I just needed to rest in light. I was innocent, whole, perfect as I was, and the light of creation, the divine, represented by the sun, was and is always upon me. The hundreds of things and all the activities had distracted me from this primal reality, the reality that I could sit and do nothing and still be utterly blessed and connected to the source of life and love. It felt like the truth of my soul is that I’m in an eternal sunbeam, eternal blessing and connection.
It was the most perfect feeling and truth. Again, tears flowed, as if my heart was expanding and melting yet further. That golden light and utter stillness meant the world to me. Also, the pain my baby self had felt, just washed away in that light. She was pain free and totally cared for. Not a mark, bruise or bit of dirt on her from the wild path she’d had to experience. Just clean innocence. That light felt like divine mother in it’s purest most potent form.
I felt there were a few oracle cards to support this journey. I also felt to write it in story form, as I am now, possibly creating a guided meditation for myself and others. I could see it in art form and I was/am utterly inspired by what feels like a beautiful universal truth. A soul pearl to cherish.
I shuffled my inner child oracle deck and one popped out. Oh my gosh it was beyond perfect. The image was of a woman/girl bathed in golden light and butterflies. All the delicate things. Behind her was the dark protection of trees, like the dark womb-like cave I’d experienced. The words were ‘you are worthy..you are worth it all, my love’. The book spoke about working hard to find our worth in achievements, relationships, the eyes of another, but ultimately we can never find rest until we find that worth within ourselves.
The shamanic journey had showed me that golden light was also worth, that I was worthy of the love of the universe because I was it’s child. As a baby there is nothing you can do to earn that worth or love. The journey showed me that the same is true as we get older. That love and worth is always there unconditionally. We just need times when we stop trying to earn it and get still to bathe in it. I am worthy. Wow. Perfect.
The book actually said when you create statements of worth for yourself to speak over yourself often, they should touch your heart and fill you with feelings of warmth and light. The golden warmth of light. I am worthy of care. I am worthy of love, abundance, guidance, forgiveness, stillness, rest, bliss, beauty, revelation, enlightenment. I am worthy of everything good because the divine source is good. These statements are true for everyone I believe.
The next oracle card was also perfect and equally golden in appearance. It was from my Mother Mary deck. The card was ‘our lady of holy fire’ and it spoke to me of the golden fiery light of the sun shining upon me and within my being. The message was that that golden light would never leave me. It’s who I am if I will only remember. The image involved two golden birds, like phoenix, resting on her shoulder and nestled together. A huge beautiful flower in her hair, speaking of impossible tenderness and a big heart across her heart,speaking of open heartedness. Behind her was the image of home. Her eyes quietly and serenely half shut, her face soft. ‘This fire cleanses and protects you and contains the beautiful essence of divine mother’..just like the mama bear and the babe totally washed clean.
The book went on to suggest I rest and trust this golden light source, knowing it contains the infinite resources and grace of the universe. It said I have the heart of a mystic seeking the mother, and that mother is with me now and always.
I sat back, exhaled and wondered at this perfect soulful journey today. I have been so deeply touched. For those of you wanting to shamanic journey, to soul listen, it really isn’t hard. There’ll be days where it just pulls you in. Like Narnia, the door opens when it’s time.
Be blessed. Do things your way. This experience I’ve recorded is my way, but you’ll have yours. Some of you might soul listen as you jog or swim, others as you journal or knit or bake. Some of you it’ll be with drum beat or sound bath, others in silence. Within you is a golden flame calling you home, washing you clean, showing you that at your deepest core you are whole and you are home. What would your statements of original worth be? What would you whisper over your heart and being?
On a darkened wall on the darkest night, a tiny bird opened it’s beak and from it’s heart came the sweetest song. The song rent the darkness and for a moment the darkness parted. For a split second the density shifted to light and a spark of hope appeared. The girl saw that spark and it kindled something in her heart. The shift was subtle but sure. It wasn’t strong enough to shift the darkness enveloping her, but it was enough for her to see it was possible that the darkness wasn’t forever. She had left but she hadn’t yet arrived.
The girl was known as a whisperer. She heard whispers and sometimes she could create them. These whispers were of the soul kind and she never knew when they would appear. Mostly they were life changing if she let them be. She’d never seen the face or known the name of their source until a certain day when a name was finally given. Malkiel. ‘Know this name and keep it close, it is the name of your angel. That name has power upon your lips’, she heard.
Her brow furrowed as she pondered this new circumstance. Could it be that something new is coming? She’d been so long in the darkness of a debt. Could it really be that today a door had finally opened? She whispered to the whisperer ‘Is this real? Hope thwarted is painful’. The reply was swift and succinct. A simple ‘yes’.
For days leading up to this day she’d had the feeling she wasn’t alone, that she had help, that change was coming. She’d heard whispers that she was like a seed, full of everything she needed for a full life. Already full. She was like a tree seed. Nothing more needed.
She reached for a book on angels and opened it totally randomly to a name virtually the same as Malkiel. Angel names are known to morph and shift. They often have many variants, like waves on the ocean that flow and shift. This name was linked to Carnelian and breaking through, ‘like a seed breaks through it’s case’ she thought. She sat down and noticed at her feet a single conker. She looked around the room, many were sat there, not a single one had a tree seed by their feet. This was destiny whispering to her again. ‘The time to break through is coming. It’s near. You’ll have help and you have the name and colour of your angel now. Malkiel. A name is an invocation. Now you have yours’.
She kept that tree seed by her bed, with a carnelian. The two looked identical in shape and colour, this pleased her. Sometimes she would place them under her pillow at night. Holding them felt like asking for help. Sure enough, beyond her wildest dreams, the darkness started to lift. She started to experience what it was like to live in the light, with warmth upon her skin. It was bliss but so alien to her. She kept falling into her old ways from years of dark dwelling and slowly the light began to fade. A sliver of a shiver in her heart wondered if that was all the freedom she’d experience in her life. Just a few short days. Then she remembered the sweet song of that bird in the night, the conker, the carnelian and the angel. ‘All the healing you need is within you. Just trust. Live as if you were in the light and the light will come. Don’t try too hard. It is already so’.
She looked forward and knew there was no one path. She must tread her own. To live in the light meant living well, honoring what her body needed, soul needed and the presence of spirit. Where would she start? With a whole universe of possibilities before her, where would she place her foot?
Silently she thanked that tiny bird on the darkest night, that spark that was like glimpsing a long forgotten key, and she took that first step.
Intu-Yoga 