Worthy

Shamanic journeying, for me, can be a subtle affair, a type of soul listening. I learned years ago that I’m good at listening within. I don’t need a drum beat or much formality, I just shut my eyes and tune in.

This morning I kept feeling a part of me arising that felt very young. I could feel the need to cling, to be held, to feel safe. In my psychotherapy training I’ve been looking at a modality called IFS (Internal Family Systems). This theory believes that everyones self has multiple parts. These parts have different personalities, ages, archetypes like the child, the parent, the warrior. Today felt like the very young child.

As soon as I closed my eyes I saw a bear cave and I knew my soul wanted to shamanic journey. I walked into the cave and saw glistening crystals in the wall, supporting me from a distance, their gentle vibrations and multicoloured hues holding me subtly. At the center of the cave was a huge brown mama bear. She was sleeping but her spirit beckoned me closer. I could feel that she represented the spirit of all bears. Her ease with hibernation was so enticing. I walked right up to her side and decided to snuggle in, her slow breaths regulating mine. Her energy was perfect. I felt both warm, held and safe. All of those feelings were also sinking into my heart, as if my heart was melting and expanding, both blissful and aching. Tears flowed. The moment was so lucid, so perfect and literally tangible.

I gazed out of the cave entrance and watched time pass. I saw snowfall and quiet winter, followed by spring flowers emerging from the icy ground. It was as if time was sailing past like a river and I was resting in utter stillness. The delicacy of the flowers touched something deep within me. They were impossibly tender and yet created to pierce the wild cold of early spring. A message of hope and that resilience can look like a sensitive, beating open heart that feels the world and loves.

Suddenly in front of me, near the cave entrance, was a naked baby bathed in golden sunlight. She was gurgling happily and simply resting in light. I was mesmerised. There was nothing she needed, just the light. Every time my mind wandered from that innocent babe to jobs and tasks for the day, it jolted my soul and I simply came back to her. Eventually I realised I was that baby. I didn’t need the hundreds of things I felt I needed to do, achieve, attain. I just needed to rest in light. I was innocent, whole, perfect as I was, and the light of creation, the divine, represented by the sun, was and is always upon me. The hundreds of things and all the activities had distracted me from this primal reality, the reality that I could sit and do nothing and still be utterly blessed and connected to the source of life and love. It felt like the truth of my soul is that I’m in an eternal sunbeam, eternal blessing and connection.

It was the most perfect feeling and truth. Again, tears flowed, as if my heart was expanding and melting yet further. That golden light and utter stillness meant the world to me. Also, the pain my baby self had felt, just washed away in that light. She was pain free and totally cared for. Not a mark, bruise or bit of dirt on her from the wild path she’d had to experience. Just clean innocence. That light felt like divine mother in it’s purest most potent form.

I felt there were a few oracle cards to support this journey. I also felt to write it in story form, as I am now, possibly creating a guided meditation for myself and others. I could see it in art form and I was/am utterly inspired by what feels like a beautiful universal truth. A soul pearl to cherish.

I shuffled my inner child oracle deck and one popped out. Oh my gosh it was beyond perfect. The image was of a woman/girl bathed in golden light and butterflies. All the delicate things. Behind her was the dark protection of trees, like the dark womb-like cave I’d experienced. The words were ‘you are worthy..you are worth it all, my love’. The book spoke about working hard to find our worth in achievements, relationships, the eyes of another, but ultimately we can never find rest until we find that worth within ourselves.

The shamanic journey had showed me that golden light was also worth, that I was worthy of the love of the universe because I was it’s child. As a baby there is nothing you can do to earn that worth or love. The journey showed me that the same is true as we get older. That love and worth is always there unconditionally. We just need times when we stop trying to earn it and get still to bathe in it. I am worthy. Wow. Perfect.

The book actually said when you create statements of worth for yourself to speak over yourself often, they should touch your heart and fill you with feelings of warmth and light. The golden warmth of light. I am worthy of care. I am worthy of love, abundance, guidance, forgiveness, stillness, rest, bliss, beauty, revelation, enlightenment. I am worthy of everything good because the divine source is good. These statements are true for everyone I believe.

The next oracle card was also perfect and equally golden in appearance. It was from my Mother Mary deck. The card was ‘our lady of holy fire’ and it spoke to me of the golden fiery light of the sun shining upon me and within my being. The message was that that golden light would never leave me. It’s who I am if I will only remember. The image involved two golden birds, like phoenix, resting on her shoulder and nestled together. A huge beautiful flower in her hair, speaking of impossible tenderness and a big heart across her heart,speaking of open heartedness. Behind her was the image of home. Her eyes quietly and serenely half shut, her face soft. ‘This fire cleanses and protects you and contains the beautiful essence of divine mother’..just like the mama bear and the babe totally washed clean.

The book went on to suggest I rest and trust this golden light source, knowing it contains the infinite resources and grace of the universe. It said I have the heart of a mystic seeking the mother, and that mother is with me now and always.

I sat back, exhaled and wondered at this perfect soulful journey today. I have been so deeply touched. For those of you wanting to shamanic journey, to soul listen, it really isn’t hard. There’ll be days where it just pulls you in. Like Narnia, the door opens when it’s time.

Be blessed. Do things your way. This experience I’ve recorded is my way, but you’ll have yours. Some of you might soul listen as you jog or swim, others as you journal or knit or bake. Some of you it’ll be with drum beat or sound bath, others in silence. Within you is a golden flame calling you home, washing you clean, showing you that at your deepest core you are whole and you are home. What would your statements of original worth be? What would you whisper over your heart and being?

Rest in light my love.