Worthy

The last post ‘Journey’ had a second layer of magic to it. I decided to save that layer until now.

At the concert I had the tell tale signs of a virus coming on. Trying to hold in a sneeze during a quiet piece of music turned into the loudest nose explosion/implosion. I woke up the next day ill and spent the day at work feeling like a run over slug, oozing everywhere, eyes and nose streaming.

I thought I’d have to come home to cook after a long suffering day but was more than surprised to find my house mate had done the most wonderful roast dinner. Her frozen shoulder had finally found relief and she was no longer disabled. Miracle! She commented on how fortunate we were to be able to take it in turns to be ill. She’d picked the perfect day to be able to cook, that was for sure.

I ate, shivering, as she sweated due to the fact I’d cranked the heating to Jamaican settings. As she washed up I put my feet on the radiator and slumped. I had nothing left to give that day.

Inside I was gently leaning on the oneness I’ve spoken about, knowing if things were meant to shift they would. I also knew not to believe too much in what I saw (my cold) and that truth has many layers, some you can’t see. That’s where faith comes in. Either way, my body was exhausted.

Suddenly I had the feeling to look for a book. The last thing I felt like doing was reading but an urge was there that didn’t feel like mine. As I walked into the next room one book stood out. It was my house mates story book. As I touched it the number 178 flew into my mind. I opened it randomly to page 178. I knew this was a magical moment. Going back to my seat I read a sentence. My mouth fell open. A conversation was being had and someone said “I came to thank you for teaching me that life is an act of faith and that I am worthy of the search. That has helped me enormously on the path I have chosen”.

It felt like it was written for me, to remind me that life requires faith and I can be worthy of that faith and of life. I realised that so often we moan when given a challenge, but what if we can see it as a chance to be worthy of that challenge. I knew I needed to believe in the healing more than the cold, despite the exhaustion, snot and shivering.

In that moment my housemate shouted from the kitchen “did you spin the snowman?” We had a festive candleholder on the table with propellers above the candle flame that were supposed to spin. They never did. We had done everything to make them spin. Fiddled for days, twiddling with propellers, snowman and the candle, all to no avail. Yet in that exact moment the snowman candle holder was spinning, fast. Once again I had the feeling that this was a magical moment and decided to take a step of faith. Having faith and acting on it are two different things.

My step was to go to a music gig down the road with my housemate. She was so surprised when I got changed and dragged my weary, snot filled, coughing body out with her, but it was my humble step of believing. Once at the bar I ordered a glass of red wine. I used to love wine back then. I took a few sips and the man next to me commented on how good I looked. I thought he must already be drunk or desperate as I was sure I looked like a dressed up snotty slug. I suddenly noticed that I wasn’t snotty. My eyes weren’t running. No cough. Shortly later my housemate noticed and commented that the wine must be good here. What else can you say? It wasn’t like the moment in the restaurant where the cold was 100% gone, but it was 95% gone at least.

When I went to work the next day my manager couldn’t believe her eyes. She’d had the same virus and it had lasted weeks. Mine was gone in a day. I sneezed 4 or 5 times over the space of the day but that was it. Other than that I was well. She said I must have a very good immune system. Again, what can you say?

I was learning about how to be a channel for healing. I was finding out it’s an honour to be worthy of rather than moan when set a challenge. During the challenges we learn the rules of the game with it’s skills. It also felt incredibly friendly. The snowman spinning was a nice touch. The gig. The fact that as soon as the wine touched my lips something happened. I’d danced all night and had so much fun. Some peoples idea of irreverent, but this voice I heard was not boxed in. It was free. It wanted me to be free. It seemed to place equal importance on living a love filled, full life as it did on learning my lessons. If church was like this voice then I knew it would be packed. It’s because of these experiences that I don’t enjoy church. This voice in my heart, guiding me on, wants me to be wild, free to explore, unafraid.